I'm sitting in Panera, my favorite place to blog, and a couple minutes ago I noticed that the jazzy elevator music playing overhead introduced a bongo onto the set. It was all saxophones and electric piano and maybe one of those big cello/bass things.. and then this bongo came in! And not only was it a random instrument, but it was played quite randomly as well! It was on the beat.. but sometimes it would stop or there'd be a couple quick beats in a row. It made me wonder the premise of such an instrument's introduction. I'm sure the band is 4 or 5 balding, middle-aged, overweight men who kinda wish they would make it big, but they play sucky music that is MADE to be heard in the background..
Perhaps one of the band members had a hippie brother who needed a little extra cash after his trip to Nairobi (??) and the band member convinced his band-mates to let his brother play the bongo because apparently, he played a lot on his trip while they "passed the peace pipe" (you know what I mean, Mary) in the Rainforest. After they recorded the song nobody had the guts to say, "Um.. Bill, you're brother is very nice, and I don't mean to dis the Nairobian (???) culture, but I think the bongo sounds really stupid.." so it ended up on the CD.
Or maybe it was a charity thing! They raffled off tickets giving someone the chance to be the featured musician on their next CD but the person who won was some 9 year old girl named Destynie with ADD, a lisp and braces who "plays" the recorder and should know better, but always asks embarrassing questions in front of a large number of people (you know the kid). They were really pissed but they couldn't back out because it had been in the paper, so they convinced her to put down the plastic whistle and play the bongo. I can just see her in the studio now.. they've recorded everything but her part and everyone is in the control room. They press play for the 12th time and Destynie is dancing around, jumping up and down, slapping the bongo every once in awhile and asking, "Bill! Biiiill!! MY BROTHER SAYS OUR STEP-DAD HAS MAN-BOOBS!! Is that what YOU HAVE!!!??? BILL!!"
Or perhaps it was just a bad musical decision. They got influenced by a young producer who was a little trigger happy and added some synthetic bongos and convinced them that this was their ticket out of background music at Starbucks. Hello, Panera.
Having thought of all the plausible scenarios, I stopped and realized that the next song was on, this time a classical guitar piece! How nice! But that same bongo had weaseled it's way into that one too!! I was astounded! I was bewildered! I got up to refill my drink, looked around to see if anyone else had noticed and saw... the kid, a couple booths down, kicking his feet and hitting the wooden panel under his bench to the beat, making a sound uncannily similar to the sound of Bill's brother's bongos...
No..!
I stopped and squinted while I stared at him. Listening to the music.. and his kicking.. the music.. his kicking.. until I was sure that there had been no bongos. Just some 7 year old hyperactive boy who's mother didn't have the energy to tell him to stop. And no Beardmore kid can criticize THAT! I had been had.
I will commend the kid though, he had pretty good rhythm. Perhaps I can introduce him to Destynie and they can create their own spastic tribal music..
